Many of us were raised to seek approval — from parents, teachers, friends, partners, or society. And while validation can feel good in the short term, constantly needing others’ approval can hold you back from living authentically and confidently.
If you often ask, “What will they think?” or hesitate to act unless someone agrees with you, this article is for you. You’ll learn how to break free from approval-seeking and build unshakable trust in your own voice, choices, and identity.
Why We Seek Approval
The desire for approval is human. It comes from a deep-rooted need to belong and feel safe. As children, approval meant survival. But as adults, when we rely on it too heavily, it leads to:
- Self-doubt
- People-pleasing
- Fear of rejection
- Inauthentic behavior
- Anxiety and burnout
When you depend on external validation, you give away your power.
Signs You’re Stuck in Approval-Seeking
- You say yes when you want to say no
- You overthink how others perceive you
- You avoid conflict at all costs
- You change your opinions to fit in
- You feel uncomfortable when someone is disappointed in you
Awareness is the first step toward change.
Step 1: Understand the Cost
Approval may bring short-term comfort, but it often leads to long-term pain — like regret, resentment, and a loss of self.
Ask yourself:
- “What have I sacrificed for approval?”
- “What part of me have I silenced?”
- “Who am I trying to impress — and why?”
Facing the cost builds motivation to reclaim your authenticity.
Step 2: Reconnect With Your Own Values
If you don’t know what matters to you, you’ll keep chasing what matters to them.
Define your values:
- What do I believe in deeply?
- What kind of person do I want to be?
- What feels true — even when no one’s watching?
When you act from your values, you stop needing permission to be yourself.
Step 3: Pause Before Pleasing
When someone makes a request or gives feedback, pause.
Ask:
- “Do I genuinely want to do this?”
- “Am I saying yes because I’m afraid to say no?”
- “What do I need in this moment?”
This pause creates space for choice instead of automatic approval-seeking.
Step 4: Get Comfortable With Disapproval
Not everyone will agree with you — and that’s okay.
Practice tolerating small discomforts:
- Say “I can’t make it” instead of overcommitting
- Speak your honest opinion in a group
- Wear or create something just because you like it
You’ll survive — and grow stronger with each act of courage.
Step 5: Validate Yourself First
Instead of asking, “Is this okay?” — try saying, “This feels right for me.”
Self-validation sounds like:
- “I made this decision thoughtfully.”
- “I trust my intuition.”
- “I’m proud of how I handled that.”
Make your own voice the first — not last — one you consult.
Step 6: Rewrite the Old Story
Often, approval-seeking comes from old beliefs:
- “I have to be perfect to be loved.”
- “If I say no, people will abandon me.”
- “My worth depends on how others see me.”
Replace them with empowering truths:
- “I am lovable even when I make mistakes.”
- “Saying no is healthy and respectful.”
- “My worth is intrinsic — not based on performance.”
Your mind will believe what you repeat.
Step 7: Spend Time Alone With Yourself
Solitude helps you hear your own voice. It strengthens self-awareness and reduces the need for external noise.
Try:
- Solo walks or meals
- Journaling your thoughts and feelings
- Meditating or simply being still
Learn to enjoy your own company — it’s where true self-trust grows.
Step 8: Surround Yourself With Honest People
True friends don’t require you to shrink or perform. They accept your boundaries, respect your choices, and support your growth.
Let go of relationships based only on approval. Seek connections based on mutual respect and authenticity.
Step 9: Take Ownership of Your Choices
Even if others don’t agree, own your path.
Say:
- “I know this may not make sense to everyone, but it’s right for me.”
- “I appreciate your input, and I’ll take time to consider it.”
- “I’m learning to trust myself more.”
Speak with calm conviction — not defensiveness.
Step 10: Celebrate Your Inner Approval
Each time you trust yourself, celebrate it:
- Smile
- Write it in a journal
- Reflect on how it felt to stand in your truth
These moments build confidence and reinforce your independence.
Final Thought: You’re Already Enough
You don’t need to prove yourself to earn love, worth, or belonging. You were born enough.
Let your voice lead.
Let your choices reflect you.
Let your life become a reflection of what matters most — not to others, but to you.